My instable WA was hurt

WA means harmony. A collegue from work broke it on thursday evening when I was back from Germany.

I received a text message when I was on the train explaining that job cuts would strike our Local Market and that in my service the job cuts would bring the headcount of 5+1 down to 3+1. It looked suspicious yet, given a certain amount of anxiety, I immediately got struck by the shock.

I spend the rest of the journey sending back sms to the soucre asking for further explanations and asking a friend at work additional information. I was determined to find out about my future.

The sleep was hard to find as every 5 minutes or so it poped up in my mind. I got really sad and depressed. I lsitened to DJ Jazzy Jeff's 'My soul ain't for sale'...

Until 10:00 am this friday I had no confirmation that this was a hoax. Hence, I reviewed all my past errors, mistakes, wrong choices and wanderings. I started thinking how I can manage this midlife crisis. I also contemplated how it would be like on last day at work after all these years as I joined this company in Sept 2006.

I felt so bad thinking about how to explain this to PN, and my family... Feeling ashamed and depleted of my value and work existence.

I waited for the regular busisness hours before sending couple emails in order to get further explanations. Then I got confirmed my 'friend' took one of our collegues' mobile phone and texted several people including me.

In a nutshell, I spent about 16 hours thinking I was fired. The environment acted as an enhancer as our company decided to close down a factory and another location. These news plus a certain anxiety added to my anxious mind had me over react.

I realized how much WA is fragile and no matter what I said, it will hurt me the day I walk out of this company. I also realized that I only need a hand to count the people I would really rely on for help.

Spooky like a nightmare with a touch of reality.